What does it take to be a giving person? Quite simply, kindness.

My mum has always told me to “kill them with kindness”, and goodness knows, it is deeply gratifying to rise above the bullshit and keep being kind. However, life tests us all, pushing us to different and particular breaking points. We each draw the line somewhere and this line is determined by so many moving variables that it would be virtually impossible to figure out where, when, how and why one individual’s limit is at ‘x’ point today and at ‘y’ point next week, let alone the limits of every single person. Perhaps some people do not even have limits when it comes to their kindness.

Auguste Comte, the French philosopher who founded Positivism, coined the term ‘altruism’, whereby one must “live for others”. Comte believed that we each have a moral obligation to serve, help or benefit other people, even if it means sacrificing our own needs and interests. Indeed, there are some truly altruistic people in the world, but what’s in it for them? That’s the point – there isn’t supposed to be anything “in it” for them. There are many times when I have acted with altruism, but the truth is, it is not continuously sustainable.

I have been fortunate throughout my life when it comes to making friends. I do so easily. Some have come and gone, others have remained steadfast in their love, loyalty, empathy and selflessness. I am mostly drawn to people who have altruistic tendencies, and this has become more apparent in latter years. I have witnessed some of my friends giving and giving to people whom they know, and to those whom they have never met. However, while there is immense virtue in altruism, is it virtuous to give so much of yourself, that you end up in physical and psychological burnout? I don’t think Friedrich Nietzsche believed it was so virtuous. This German philosopher claimed that treating everyone else as if they were more important than yourself is, in fact, demeaning and an act of self-degradation, leaving you unable to pursue your own skills and creativity. If an altruistic person is left in this state, can she or he continue to “live for others”and “give to others”? Surely the burnout will prevent this?

Let’s back up a bit and assume an altruist can keep giving completely without burning out. After all, one can surely keep giving kindness without it causing self-degradation, right? Well, in essence, yes. However, there is something that can hinder this: another person; more specifically, another person whose moral philosophy is based on egoism – the pursuit of one’s own self-interest. I must point out that egoism does not require one to ignore or go against another person’s well-being. It simply holds that the self-interest of the egoist be put first. The act of said egoist can be neutral, detrimental or even beneficial to others, and it can even be at his or her own short-term sacrifice, provided his or her long-term interest is facilitated. Ergo, when a person pursues life with egoism and works alongside a person who pursues a life of altruism, the latter either burns out or bows out. Even if the egoist and altruist have a similar goal of, let’s say, giving charitably to children, the egoist’s motivations are so vastly different from those of the altruist that the egoist will eventually get in the way of the altruist’s mission. Indeed, one might then question the egoist’s original and apparent intentions.

We could philosophise all day and find justifications for every action within Philosophy, but life’s second by second decisions do not allow for this in practicality. Sometimes we have ample time to make choices, other times we have to make them off the cuff. We just do not have the privilege to philosophise on every action we take. Simplistically, however, I do believe that we should and are able to figure out which sits better within ourselves: altruism or egoism?