I challenge anyone who says they have never come across bullying.  Whether you have been (or still are) personally subjected to mean behaviour, you have witnessed such behaviour, or you are (or have been) the person committing this heinous act, I think we have all felt the concept of bullying in some capacity.

As a child, I got called ‘Whitey’ – whether it was from strangers on the streets of my own country, the kids at the high school attached to my prep school, or from children within my school itself, it was practically a daily occurrence.  I didn’t care, because I liked the way I looked, even though I knew that I was the odd one out, looks-wise.  I look caucasian and, as a child, I had white-blond hair.  I grew up in a little district near May Pen, in Jamaica, and I stood out like a sore thumb.

When I went away to boarding school in England, I was incessantly teased about my accent.  In fact, the first few days there, my peers wanted to know if I spoke English!  Let’s just put it this way…..my Jamaican patois was very strong.  Thereafter, I did learn to speak in proper English, but there have always been some words that I just cannot pronounce in any other way than our way.  ‘Aahx’ for ‘Ask’; ‘Hair’ for ‘Here’; ‘Bare’ for ‘Beer’; ‘Thairter’ for ‘Theatre’ – trust me, English people will get you every time for imprecise pronunciation.  The thing is, it never bothered me.  I actually thought that my accent was cool.  I still do.

Then, when I came back to Jamaica for school holidays, I was teased by my Jamaican friends for sounding English!! Okay, that one did get to me.  Badly.  It was one thing to be teased by these foreigners – English people – because I knew that my people would always be right there waiting for me in Jamaica.  Even when the English ‘aahxed’ me if I lived in a treehouse or if I was adopted by black people, I just thought they were hilariously ignorant.  Their behaviour was on them, not on me.  I was an invincible and unique creature.  So, I did not expect to return home every holidays for the teasing that came my way.  I now had a transatlantic accent, I suppose.  Was that a betrayal to my Jamaica?  I was no longer authentic?  It hurt me, but my personality overcame the pain.

As I grew older, the accent-teasing continued – thankfully, because it reminded me how cool I was.  However, teenage girls at boarding school can be really awful to one another.  I wasn’t even subjected to the worst kind of mean-girl attitude there is, but I saw it.  I saw the torment that went on.  I witnessed some of these girls, with no friends at school, get picked on and persecuted.  I spoke up, sometimes, but certainly not all the time.  I did, however, always try to be as kind as I could be, even though I see now that I should have been more vocal against those who were bullies.

Now, as an adult, I have been bamboozled (bullied, if you will) by other grownups.  I have allowed it, not wanting to bring attention to the behaviour and therefore embarrassing the bully.  Enough is enough.  I have young children and I need to show them that they must never allow or put up with a bully.  I am learning how to deal with bullies, so must they.  I must be the person to teach them how to deal with said bullies.  I do not care how small or petty it might seem, because that’s where it starts.  Small and petty.  But when it is not addressed, dealt with, stopped, you are asking for future trouble.  You are condoning the unkindness, the abuse.  You are telling the bully that it is okay for him/her to act that way, that he/she can do and act as they please, no matter whom he/she is hurting.  That is unacceptable.

If you are a parent of a bully, grow up and do something about it.  If you are an adult who witnesses bullying, use your ‘authority’ and speak to the children.  If you are a child who sees another child being bullied, you too have a voice.  Speak up against bullying.  It is your right to do so.  If you are the child being bullied or you are the parent of a child being bullied, here are some tools to help you and your child:  Ignore the bully and walk away, laughing; Give the bully a good stare, straight-faced stare, then get back to doing what you were doing; Verbally confront them with a ‘Really?  You really think that is acceptable behaviour?’ or ‘Why would you say that?  What grounds/proof do you have for saying that?’ or ‘Should I call you stupid?  Would that make you feel better about yourself?’ or some other such sentence that makes them think about what they have done.

Remember this: bullies are usually behaving that way to overcompensate for something they are lacking – attention, love, self-worth, confidence.  I know that doesn’t necessarily help when you are the victim of bullying, but try and take a step back after the fact and see your self-worth, know that you are a wonderful person, and if the bullies really are persistent with their abuse, just tell them that you feel sorry for them.  That might well shut them up.