What is it about coffee that makes us feel better?  I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about consuming is black coffee.  Okay, I actually drink a large glass of water first, but coffee is next up, for sure.  Anyway, I get really annoyed if anyone in the house is awake before me.  I want to be the first up so that I can have enough time to brew and drink my first cup, without any disturbances.  And this cup must be a thin-lipped China mug.  It’s not the same if it doesn’t come in this vessel.  I am a very sociable person – one could call me too chatty at times – but I need to be in a position where this is actually possible.  If you catch me before I’ve achieved this period of solace, you will find yourself face to face with a bitch glare and grunting.

I did some research into why this might be the case.  Why must I ‘coffee’ before I ‘person’ – bare with me while I use nouns as verbs, please.  I got the idea from a photo on Instagram and it made me smile.  Never has there been such apt words written before my eyes 😉

So, the research…..to my horror I have been wrong all along – we should NOT be drinking coffee as soon as we wake, apparently.  Every searched result I’ve found on Google says that I am drinking coffee at the worst possible time.  Apparently, I should be waiting until nine or ten o’clock.  Apparently, our cortisol levels rise when we wake, giving us the kick in the backside that we need to move along in the morning. By drinking coffee right away, we are doing our systems are disservice.  It turns out that coffee suppresses our natural cortisol production (that doesn’t sound good), making our bodies reliant on caffeine (well, I knew this part already!).  For those who don’t know, the cortisol hormone is produced by the adrenal gland and is released into our blood system in response to stress and low blood-glucose.  Cortisol also plays a role in the way our immune system functions; how we metabolise fats, carbs and proteins; bone growth; blood pressure control; and nervous system function.  Bottom line: cortisol is essential and I am interfering with my body’s natural source by drinking coffee when I get up.

So what do I do now?  How am I to ‘person’?  How do I make it until mid-morning without speaking to anyone?  I don’t live on my own – I have a husband and two children.  I expect them to have manners when they come into the kitchen and say “Good Morning”, so I need to be able to return the courtesy.  They all ask a million and one questions in the morning too:  “Mummy, can I have scrambled eggs?”;  “Mummy what’s going in my lunch pan?”;  “Mummy, my brother won’t stop hitting me.  Why can’t he stop?”  The list goes on.  How am I going to do this?  Without the coffee????  Should I make flash cards with generic answers?  That could work.  I mean, the conversation is pretty standard.  But what if someone goes rogue?  One son is at that curious age (6), asking questions that lean towards a full-on ‘Birds & Bees’ explanation.  And now I find out that I must actually shut down my need for coffee first thing?  I must delay the craving?  I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to put my mental health first in this case – I must ‘coffee’ before communicating.