You know what transpired.  You are certain about how the conversation and events went.  Yet the second party to said discussion or event denies any of it ever occurred, says you are crazy and a liar.  This has happened in the past, several times.  It’s taking place yet again.  The proverbial penny begins to drop.  This is not right.  I know that this is so wrong on every level.  I am not a liar.  I am not going crazy.  This same person is putting me down, repeatedly, saying that I’m an awful person, saying that others think I’m terrible.  Oh, wait, now this person is praising me, telling me they never spewed the horrid insults.  Wait, what?  Okay, now I’m confused.   What’s going on?  I’m so exhausted.  I can’t fight this.  I give in.

If you relate to this, there is a strong possibility that you have been subjected to ‘gaslighting’, my friend.  Gaslighting is a form of manipulation whereby the manipulator will do the above and then have you, and others, convinced that it’s all in your head.  It happens within intimate relationships, usually spousal, but also within long-standing friendships.  ‘Victims’ of gaslighting might never really understand what is happening to them, though they will have many moments when they do feel as if something is off.  Gaslighters will ensure, however, that they give their victims something positive to hold on to, so that they don’t catch on to the underhanded behaviour.  The movie and book ‘Girl on the Train’, while it is not really about gaslighting, demonstrates gaslighting behaviour at the end of the story.

Why do people gaslight?  What sort of person does this?  Is it an insecurity whereby the gaslighter needs to have control, as is the case in some romantic relationships?  What a nasty way to get the upper hand. Do gaslighters even realize what they are doing?  Were these people bullied as kids, so now as adults they are simply re-enacting what happened to them?  Let’s face it, gaslighting is a form of bullying.

So, if you do find yourself faced with gaslighting, what should you do?  Don’t try and reason with the person, there is little point.  You have one option, in my opinion – WALK AWAY.  Any other scenario, which you might believe are possibilities, will not transpire the way you imagine.  These people come in various degrees of sociopaths and narcissists.  You cannot reason with them.  Don’t even try to have the ‘last word’ – your efforts will be futile.  Get satisfaction from the fact that walking away will light their gaslighting ego on fire.  By that simple action, you will have the last word.