You know what transpired.  You are certain about how the conversation and events went.  Yet the second party to said discussion or event denies any of it ever occurred, says you are crazy and a liar.  This has happened in the past, several times.  It’s taking place yet again.  The proverbial penny begins to drop.  This is not right.  I know that this is so wrong on every level.  I am not a liar.  I am not going crazy.  This same person is putting me down, repeatedly, saying that I’m an awful person, saying that others think I’m terrible.  Oh, wait, now this person is praising me, telling me they never spewed the horrid insults.  Wait, what?  Okay, now I’m confused.   What’s going on?  I’m so exhausted.  I can’t fight this.  I give in.

If you relate to this, there is a strong possibility that you have been subjected to ‘gaslighting’, my friend.  Gaslighting is a form of manipulation whereby the manipulator will do the above and then have you, and others, convinced that it’s all in your head.  It happens within intimate relationships, usually spousal, but also within long-standing friendships.  ‘Victims’ of gaslighting might never really understand what is happening to them, though they will have many moments when they do feel as if something is off.  Gaslighters will ensure, however, that they give their victims something positive to hold on to, so that they don’t catch on to the underhanded behaviour.  The movie and book ‘Girl on the Train’, while it is not really about gaslighting, demonstrates gaslighting behaviour at the end of the story.

Why do people gaslight?  What sort of person does this?  Is it an insecurity whereby the gaslighter needs to have control, as is the case in some romantic relationships?  What a nasty way to get the upper hand. Do gaslighters even realize what they are doing?  Were these people bullied as kids, so now as adults they are simply re-enacting what happened to them?  Let’s face it, gaslighting is a form of bullying.

So, if you do find yourself faced with gaslighting, what should you do?  Don’t try and reason with the person, there is little point.  You have one option, in my opinion – WALK AWAY.  Any other scenario, which you might believe are possibilities, will not transpire the way you imagine.  These people come in various degrees of sociopaths and narcissists.  You cannot reason with them.  Don’t even try to have the ‘last word’ – your efforts will be futile.  Get satisfaction from the fact that walking away will light their gaslighting ego on fire.  By that simple action, you will have the last word.

Having heard about this quaint and quiet river destination I had not yet been to, I knew that it had to jump the queue within my bucket list because I’d be damned if there was going to be even more people who got there before I did!  I won’t get jealous of friends feting without me, but I will be real green if I can’t experience a part of my island while others do.

Amidst a busy summer, Trish, my partner in ‘adventure crime’, and I had to find a time when the bigger part of our family could make it to Quao’s Village.  With Jamaica’s Independence looming ahead and, realistically, nothing to do because we are too old for those kind of parties and our kids are far too young, we decided to hit the road on the holiday Monday.

Thanks to my friend who lives up in the hills of Irish Town, we took the ‘shorter’ (her words!) scenic route up to Newcastle and down towards Buff Bay.  Now, while this was certainly not the shorter journey from Kingston, it was absolutely stunning.  Many people I know have been as far as Holywell, but few have been beyond and here is what awaits you……Imagine your granny’s gorgeous garden from when you were growing up, only this one is sprawled along for miles, entwined with green mountains all around and laced with a pristine river that anyone would wish to have at the bottom of their own garden?  Imagine not seeing one other vehicle, aside from a large truck that’s adorned with bicycles from the Blue Mountain Bicycle Tour?  Then, the faded sign ‘Quao’s Village’ suddenly appears on the left – so suddenly, in fact, that you could easily miss it and end up in Buff Bay.  This was not us, however, as my beady country eyes are well seasoned for these mistakes.  Not that it would have mattered much, as Buff Bay is only a couple miles away.

No photos I had seen previously did justice to what awaited us.  In fact, I am torn between promoting this place and the hospitality of the lovely man who runs it and wishing to keep it a secret from those who might decide to regularly visit this haven and bring countless friends along with them.  As I said, friends going to a session without me will not phase me, but if you go to a beautiful and secluded part of Jamaica and I am not included, I might lose it!

All I can say is this, bring your deck chairs, food, libations and music, set yourself up for the day and don’t budge, because from one spot you can wallow in the water or laze on the river bank, while you watch your kids swim and play amongst the rocks.  We literally did not move from this eternal bliss for the entire day, until it was almost sundown, when we opted to take the actual shorter route home, via junction.  This was, hands down and feet up, one of the best days we had this summer!