Boy, oh boy…..some people seriously have a chip on their shoulder about events to which they think they were not invited.  The thing is, everyone is invited.  It’s really not that difficult to attend Le Diner en Blanc (DeB) Kingston.  All you have to do is ask.  Yes, you need to pay for a ticket; yes, you should bring a picnic, white napkins, white flatware, cutlery and glasses; yes, some kind of table decoration wouldn’t go amiss; yes, in order to drink alcohol, you must purchase wines through DeB; and yes, you must wear all-white.  However, every party/event/concert to which you attend, a ticket must be purchased; if you go to a secluded beach or waterfall, you bring all picnic items, including drinks; anywhere you go, you must dress appropriately in some item of clothing – blue, brown, red and perhaps even white.

I am not saying that everyone can afford all things, but it doesn’t mean that those who can afford it should not spend their money in the way they choose.  Also, they should not be publicly ridiculed.  Are you laughing at the people who send their kids to the most expensive, yet fantastic, universities in the world?  Good for those people!  Their children, who live in our world, are getting a fabulous education.  It’s wonderful.  If only everyone could have that, but at least there are people who can.  Good for them.  Their parents can afford it.  If I could, I would do the same.  Wouldn’t you?  Don’t you want to have the freedom to spend your hard-earned cash on whatever you want?

People on social media are writing that DeB is the ultimate cooler fete – the upperclass version of a cooler fete, some have said.  Well, I wouldn’t quite put it that way.  That’s like saying that going to a restaurant, where food is served on china and with cutlery, is basically the upperclass version of going to a patty shop and eating your patty and coco bread out of the brown paper bag.  Let’s all laugh at the people who are being conned into going to the ultimate eating place – a restaurant – when they could be spending less money at the patty shop and not being so fancy by eating off china and with cutlery.  Ha! Ha! Ha!

Now, I know that some people on social media did not mean it this way, but many people did.  It’s been funny to read, actually, and it’s even more hilarious that this is the third year in a row that people are spilling the same crappy insults about Le Diner en Blanc Kingston.  No one, by the way, has come up with any new reason as to why DeB is so bad or so snobby or so….. whatever insults they can think of at the time of writing.  I urge the person who truly feels strongly that DeB is a terrible injustice to our society to put down on paper intellectual, economic and social reasons why those who enjoy DeB should not continue to attend and celebrate this debonair occasion.

FYI – The definition of Debonair: suave, urbane, sophisticated, cultured, self-possessed, self-assured, confident, charming, gracious, courteous, gallant, chivalrous, gentlemanly, refined, polished, well bred, genteel, dignified, courtly; and more

Not a damn thing wrong with being debonair.

I challenge anyone who says they have never come across bullying.  Whether you have been (or still are) personally subjected to mean behaviour, you have witnessed such behaviour, or you are (or have been) the person committing this heinous act, I think we have all felt the concept of bullying in some capacity.

As a child, I got called ‘Whitey’ – whether it was from strangers on the streets of my own country, the kids at the high school attached to my prep school, or from children within my school itself, it was practically a daily occurrence.  I didn’t care, because I liked the way I looked, even though I knew that I was the odd one out, looks-wise.  I look caucasian and, as a child, I had white-blond hair.  I grew up in a little district near May Pen, in Jamaica, and I stood out like a sore thumb.

When I went away to boarding school in England, I was incessantly teased about my accent.  In fact, the first few days there, my peers wanted to know if I spoke English!  Let’s just put it this way…..my Jamaican patois was very strong.  Thereafter, I did learn to speak in proper English, but there have always been some words that I just cannot pronounce in any other way than our way.  ‘Aahx’ for ‘Ask’; ‘Hair’ for ‘Here’; ‘Bare’ for ‘Beer’; ‘Thairter’ for ‘Theatre’ – trust me, English people will get you every time for imprecise pronunciation.  The thing is, it never bothered me.  I actually thought that my accent was cool.  I still do.

Then, when I came back to Jamaica for school holidays, I was teased by my Jamaican friends for sounding English!! Okay, that one did get to me.  Badly.  It was one thing to be teased by these foreigners – English people – because I knew that my people would always be right there waiting for me in Jamaica.  Even when the English ‘aahxed’ me if I lived in a treehouse or if I was adopted by black people, I just thought they were hilariously ignorant.  Their behaviour was on them, not on me.  I was an invincible and unique creature.  So, I did not expect to return home every holidays for the teasing that came my way.  I now had a transatlantic accent, I suppose.  Was that a betrayal to my Jamaica?  I was no longer authentic?  It hurt me, but my personality overcame the pain.

As I grew older, the accent-teasing continued – thankfully, because it reminded me how cool I was.  However, teenage girls at boarding school can be really awful to one another.  I wasn’t even subjected to the worst kind of mean-girl attitude there is, but I saw it.  I saw the torment that went on.  I witnessed some of these girls, with no friends at school, get picked on and persecuted.  I spoke up, sometimes, but certainly not all the time.  I did, however, always try to be as kind as I could be, even though I see now that I should have been more vocal against those who were bullies.

Now, as an adult, I have been bamboozled (bullied, if you will) by other grownups.  I have allowed it, not wanting to bring attention to the behaviour and therefore embarrassing the bully.  Enough is enough.  I have young children and I need to show them that they must never allow or put up with a bully.  I am learning how to deal with bullies, so must they.  I must be the person to teach them how to deal with said bullies.  I do not care how small or petty it might seem, because that’s where it starts.  Small and petty.  But when it is not addressed, dealt with, stopped, you are asking for future trouble.  You are condoning the unkindness, the abuse.  You are telling the bully that it is okay for him/her to act that way, that he/she can do and act as they please, no matter whom he/she is hurting.  That is unacceptable.

If you are a parent of a bully, grow up and do something about it.  If you are an adult who witnesses bullying, use your ‘authority’ and speak to the children.  If you are a child who sees another child being bullied, you too have a voice.  Speak up against bullying.  It is your right to do so.  If you are the child being bullied or you are the parent of a child being bullied, here are some tools to help you and your child:  Ignore the bully and walk away, laughing; Give the bully a good stare, straight-faced stare, then get back to doing what you were doing; Verbally confront them with a ‘Really?  You really think that is acceptable behaviour?’ or ‘Why would you say that?  What grounds/proof do you have for saying that?’ or ‘Should I call you stupid?  Would that make you feel better about yourself?’ or some other such sentence that makes them think about what they have done.

Remember this: bullies are usually behaving that way to overcompensate for something they are lacking – attention, love, self-worth, confidence.  I know that doesn’t necessarily help when you are the victim of bullying, but try and take a step back after the fact and see your self-worth, know that you are a wonderful person, and if the bullies really are persistent with their abuse, just tell them that you feel sorry for them.  That might well shut them up.

What do we tag a person’s worth to?  Money or material things?  Career?  Position in said career?  Who his/her family is?  Education?  Personality?

We live in a society that likes to box people into a compartment that we can comprehend.

Who is your father?  There is a question we get asked in Jamaica all the time.  We start off by needing to pin you to someone whom we might know, especially someone who might be successful.

What do you do?  We need to know what your job is.  Is your job important in our view?  It helps if you own a successful business that we have heard of; it helps if you are CEO, partner or some other prestigious position in a well-known, successful company; it helps if you are someone whom other ‘important’ people have talked about with high regard; it helps if your position can give us some gain.

The latter leads to this:  How can you help me?  What can I get for free?  Knowing you and becoming friendly with you will help me gain something I need or want.  I will be your friend.

Don’t for a minute think that this is not the case.  The majority of people are like this, in some way.  Even the people who don’t mean to do it, they do it.  They might catch themselves and stop, but it’s part of human nature.  How can I better serve myself?  The good people in this world do catch themselves at some point in life – sometimes when they are very young, in which case they become selfless adults; others change later in life, when they realize it is better to be selfless and kind.  However, there are those who will always be like this.  These people might well be generous and kind, but to whom are they being generous and kind?  To the unknown person with the ‘average’ job?  No.  Probably not.

Please note that I in no way believe anyone’s job is average.  If you are honestly awarded a job and work honestly and hard in your job, bringing harm to no one, then your job is far from average.  Your job is important.  If you don’t have a job and you live a good life being honest, selfless and kind, you are important.

I’ve watched the way people behave – the way they behave towards one another, the way they ignore or shun those who can’t offer them something they need or want, the way they are outright rude as there is no gain for them if they practice a little politeness.  It’s disgusting and it’s shameful, but the grace is held by the person who knows their own kindness, their own intelligence, their own human decency and their own self-worth.