Is honesty always the best policy?  Are there instances when it is okay to tell a lie?  If so, how do you grade or quantify said lie?  Some say that it’s okay to lie if you’re protecting someone, but from what exactly could you be protecting them?

Parents lie to their kids.  We lie about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy.  Possibly, we lie when the family goldfish dies or when a family member is terminally ill.  Basically, we lie all the time to our children, but we do this to protect them from pain or, in the case of Santa etc, to let them have a piece of magic in their lives for as long as possible.  That’s okay, right?  I don’t remember being angry with my parents when I discovered that these creatures, who brought me stocking presents, chocolate eggs and money, were in fact fantastical made-up people.  However, don’t tell me that my brothers never got to stay up late at eight years old because you don’t want me to stay up late.  I damn well knew that they had stayed up late at that age and it pissed me off that they would lie to me about it.

Of course, I forgave my parents for these tales they told.  As I grew older, I understood the difference between the important lies and the ones that were not so important.  The problem with this, however, is that children will also lie to their parents.  Sure, it’s drummed into us that this a bad thing, but we know that our parents are telling us lies, so what’s the difference?  How bad could it be to lie about where we were exactly last night?  Is it so awful to deny breaking the glass figurine?  Do you see where I am going with this?  Parents set the example.  Children follow, naturally.

Personally, I have made it very clear to my kids that they will get into more trouble if they lie about anything.  If they tell me the truth, I reward them, but if it’s something they did that is really bad, a repetitive offense or hurting someone, then they will be punished for that incident, just not to the same extent were they to have lied.  Am I being a hypocrite?

Generally, I do not lie to my boys – I don’t sugarcoat horrid happenings, if they ask, but I answer with the bare minimum of information.  Embarrassing questions about sex and such – ditto.  Discussions about God and what happens after we die – I encourage them to have their own beliefs and draw their own conclusions, but I tell them what I believe, if they ask.  The same goes for Santa and so on, actually.  The seven-year-old has queried his existence, solely because kids in his class no longer believe, but I ask him if he believes.  So far the answer is yes.  Will he be mad with me when he discovers the truth one day?  I doubt it.

So, what about when a grownup lies to another grownup?  Now this happens all the time!  Don’t deny it.  We are all guilty, to some extent.  One of the consequences is that we are only creating a more complicated situation when we tell lies.  It’s bloody difficult to keep up, so why do we bother?  What are we afraid of?  Frankly, it’s not worth it to lie and the easiest way to tell the truth is to do so immediately.  Don’t hesitate, don’t wait for a better moment (there never is one), don’t worry about how people will react.  It doesn’t matter whom you are dealing with – a work colleague, your boss, an employee, your spouse, your friend, an acquaintance or a stranger – just tell them the truth.  Tell them the truth because it’s the right thing to do; tell them truth so that you don’t have to keep up with, and stress about, what lies you’ve been spinning; tell them the truth because you don’t want to be known as a liar; and tell them the truth because you don’t want anyone’s heart to be on fire.