I’m reading Shonda Rhimes’ book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person.  Basically, her life was boiling down to all work and no play.  She was saying No to all invitations and proposals that did not involve actually writing her scripts and going in to work for production.  (Please note that this a very simplified explanation of the premise of her book)!

What I believe is wonderful about this book is how she comes to recognise the reasons she has allowed her life to become what it has and her sheer determination to change things for the better.  Sure, you might well be thinking that her life as one of the most successful TV writers could not have become better, but I implore you to read the book and see for yourself the transformation that took place when Shonda Rhimes started to say Yes.

This book resonates with me because I too became the person who would decline many invitations, or worse yet, I would accept them and then call on the day and apologise that I would be unable to attend.  Now, I do have a legitimate reason.  I have an autoimmune disease that does make me feel pretty crappy most of the time.  However, I began to feel cut off from the world a few years ago – like I wasn’t contributing in any way.  I am not saying this in a ‘poor me’ depressed way.  It was a matter-of-fact.  I was missing out and that did not make me feel good.  I have never been a social recluse and yet there I was being exactly that.  So when I turned forty a few months ago, I decided that I would start saying Yes to social and fun things.  I began to feel alive again – like the old me.  My best friend from birth even bought me a new coffee cup for Christmas – it says Life of the Party on it, because that is what she has always known me to be.

Equally, I began to realise that I had been saying a proverbial Yes all along, but to the wrong things.  I was tiring myself out on ridiculous tasks and projects, doing too many things which went unappreciated and unnoticed at times.  Not that I need thanks for anything that I do for others, but the stuff I was doing was unnecessary and was in no way really making any difference to anyone.  I was simply keeping myself busy, rather than resting in bed when I should have been.  This business was making me say No to the fun that was waiting for me.  This business was tiring me out so much that I could not even enjoy the bedtime ritual I have with my sons every evening.

Even though I have many friends and family who have been pointing all of this out to me for quite a while, there is one friend in particular who constantly pesters me to RELAX – I’m sure she knows who she is!  She tells me all the time that I cannot do everything.  She is right, of course.  However, I promised myself that I would start saying Yes to certain things, so that I am doing.  What I need to ensure is that I do say No as well.